Unfit For A King

The legend of King Arthur is a story I hold near and dear to my heart. I first heard it in middle school, and eagerly devoured the stories. My high school English teacher was surprised to know that I knew so much about it. And the number of stories that have taken inspiration from, or are adapted from the legend are numerous.

Which is why I say you either do it right, or not at all.

And next year looks like it's going to be done so, SO wrong.

First offender? Guy Ritchie's KING ARTHUR: LEGEND OF THE SWORD.

Now I like Guy Ritchie. I...am fine with Charlie Hunnam. But this looks like a misguided attempt to make King Arthur "cool" and "gritty". And he isn't a character that fits into that wheelhouse. Arthur is akin to a medival Superman; he is true of heart and noble. Here they're trying to make him into Robin Hood. Just make a damn Robin Hood movie then! (On second thought, don't. We have enough of those.)

The next offender is a Fox pilot currently in development, titled CAMELOT. Here's the description.

When an ancient magic reawakens in modern-day Manhattan, a graffiti artist named Art must team with his best friend Lance and his ex, Gwen — an idealistic cop — in order to realize his destiny and fight back against the evil forces that threaten the city.

First I guess this proves that Fox really loves their police procedurals. Second...REALLY?? The legend of King Arthur as a police procedural?!?

Then again this is the network that cancelled Firefly and continues to support Gotham so...

And finally, the worst of the worst...TRANSFORMERS: THE LAST KNIGHT.

I'm pretty sure my hatred for Michael Bay and his Transformers films are a matter of national record but this has done the impossible; it found a new way to piss me off. Apparently Optimus Prime will use Excalibur, which in this film is a long lost Cybertronian artifact.

Now I'm not opposed to having Arthurian myth in Transformers, hell Optimus Prime shares some character traits with Arthur. And a giant robot wielding Excalibur? A good filmmaker could work wonders with that. Michael Bay isn't a good filmmaker, he is the hemorrhoids on the ass of Hollywood. And it's bad enough that he's dragged his dick all over Transformers and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but King Arthur? That's low, even for him.

So as I said before: when adapting these legends, do it right, or not at all.

And don't be Michael Bay.