Seven Movies I Want To See In 2017

There's a lot of good stuff coming up in the next year for us nerds; and while I wait for Doctor Strange, Star Wars: Rogue One, and Assassin's Creed I thought I'd list the seven films I am most eager for.

Before we start I'll give a list of "runners up": films I still want to see, just not as much as these.

Wonder Woman, Kingsman: The Golden Circle, Kong: Skull Island, Thor: Ragnarok, The Lego Batman Movie, Beauty and the Beast, Wolverine 3, War Of The Planet Of The Apes

Spider-Man: Homecoming

Spider-Man is my favorite superhero ever, and from what I saw of Tom Holland's performance, we finally have an actor who captures both Peter Parker and Spider-Man. The fact that it seems to be drawing from both the Spectacular Spider-Man cartoon and the classic Stan Lee/Steve Ditko run doesn't hurt either.

Plus...Michael Keaton. OG Batman VS Spider-Man. How could you not want to see it?

Justice League

I've run hot and cold on the DCEU; I haven't really loved any of the films so far, but neither have I outright hated them. Justice League is the first one of these I am legitimately excited for. I dig the cast-mostly Ezra Miller, who once again proves that Barry Allen is only interesting in alternate realities. The story sounds good-Bruce Wayne trying to form the League Seven Samurai-style? I dig it. But what really sells me is Ben Affleck and Geoff Johns. In addition to being executive producers, both men have helped punch up the screenplay. That, along with Affleck having a go in the editing bay, gives me hope that this will be more "third time's the charm" and less "three strikes, you're out."

Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2

The first Guardians of the Galaxy film was not only one of my favorite films in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, it was one of my favorite comic book films ever. Great cast, great characters, great everything! So naturally they have to go bigger and better. Not to mention the added wrinkle of Ego the Living Planet (aka Daddy Star Lord). In short: I can't wait. Marvel hasn't let me down yet.

The Dark Tower

Stephen King is mostly known for his horror stories, but the one series I have read-and loved-from him is the Dark Tower. The story revolves around the gunslinger Roland Deschain and his battle against the sorcerer Randall Flagg, a story that traverses years and alternate dimensions. People have been trying to film it for YEARS; and next year is when it finally sees the light of day. Now King adaptations tend to be 50/50; either they're great or they suck, there's no in between. Let's hope this is a great one.

Also: Idris Elba is in it, so I was gonna watch this one way or another. LOL

Power Rangers

Power Rangers is something I've grown up with my whole life. Arguably it was my first exposure to the world of superheroes. And while I know parts of it have not aged well, and that it can be horrifically corny at times...I still love it. Old habits die hard I suppose. So when I heard we were getting a reboot of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers next year? I knew I had to see it.


Also...Michael Bay isn't attached so there's a plus.

Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Dark Side of Dimensions

Yu-Gi-Oh! is another show from my childhood; in addition to being my favorite anime ever, it actually helped me break out of my shell a bit. I begged my parents to go to tournaments, I met some of my best friends in college because of it...bottom line, this show means a lot to me. And to see this movie, back where it all begin...it'll be something special.

The cherry on top? Dan Green and Eric Stuart are coming back to voice Yugi and Kaiba respectively. In layman's terms, this is the anime version of Kevin Conroy and Mark Hamill voicing Batman and Joker.

...God I hope there's no rooftop sex.



Star Wars: Episode VIII

Oh you didn't think I would leave this one off the list did you? I mean...I loved loved LOVED The Force Awakens, I want to see more of Rey and Finn and Poe and BB-8, Rian Johnson is a hell of a director so this should be even better than TFA (and considering TFA is currently my second favorite Star Wars film behind Empire that's saying something) and most importantly...

I'm hoping that this shows how much of a badass Luke became in 30 years.

Don't fuck with a Jedi master, son.

Bruno Heller Is An Idiot

Gotham is an awful show. There's no two ways about it.


In terms of coherence, character development, etc, it horribly falls flat. And the cherry on top of this shit sundae is the blatant disregard for the characters of the Batman mythos. Villains are introduced years before Bruce becomes Batman, supporting characters like Renee Montoya and Crispus Allen are tossed to the side, and actually GOOD story concepts like the Court of Owls are dragged through the muck.


I know I've said I've grown exasperated with Batman, but Batman fans...I share your pain. I really do.


And it got better. During the Edinburgh Television Festival, showrunner Bruno Heller had this to say:


"I don’t think superheroes work very well on TV...Probably because of the costume thing."


He went on:


"TV is about real people and faces and not so much about magic and the supernatural things...The tricky thing about Gotham is that “it has to be both a crime procedural and a mythic, epic, grand comic book saga...It’s a tricky combination because you have to keep it real and unreal at the same time.”


First:

Fuck you.


Second..."a mythic, epic, grand comic book saga?" Young Justice was a comic book saga. The Marvel Cinematic Universe is an ongoing comic book saga. Your piece of shit show is barely pulling by due to the connection with the Batman mythos, and you aren't even doing that correctly!


Third, your show is unreal. VERY unreal. Nobody acts or talks like a human being. The dialogue is ear bleedingly bad. You have NO idea how to write female characters. I could go on, but I don't want to be here all day.


In conclusion Bruno Heller: You are an idiot and a failure. You have failed in simple storytelling. You have failed as a creator. You have failed the legacy of one of the greatest superheroes of all time. So word of advice: yank your head out of that pile of cocaine and actually watch these other shows. And learn how to do it right, or not at all.

Why Robocop Is The Greatest Movie Of All Time

If you know me, you know I have an unconditional, unbreakable love for the movie Robocop. The film is a masterpiece in sci fi filmmaking-one of those films that comes along and etches its place in the annals of history. But what exactly makes it the greatest film of all time? The cast? The concept? The satire?

All those factors are obviously reasons to love the movie. But for me, the reason why this film is so great is because it transcends its genre, and can fit into so many others.

It's a techno horror movie-the cop dies and is rebuilt as an unfeeling, unstoppable machine.

It's a spiritual journey-a man struggling to find his humanity.

It's a crime thriller-obviously.

And it's one of the greatest superhero origin movies of all time. Think about it. Guy dies, comes back to life, and gets superpowers-aka cool robot parts-and becomes a nigh indestructible force for justice? Murphy is totally a superhero.

In short, this film cannot be pinned down to just one genre. And that makes it a must see film. No matter what kind of film you like most, I guarantee Robocop has elements of it.

(Also if you haven't watched Robocop, what the hell is wrong with you?)

I'm Not Going Down With This Ship

I've encountered many crazy fans over the course of my geekdom. The bronies and even worse, the "cloppers". Certain subsections of the Harry Potter fandom. And most recently, the militant subsection of the DCEU fans or as I like to call them, the "Sons of Snyder."


However the one type of fan that scares me the most...are the shippers.


'Shipping', for those unaccustomed to geek lingo, is the act of pairing together two characters in a romantic relationship. This happens for a number of reasons. Characters show chemistry, the story is moving toward that point, or you just want this person to kiss that person. Now there's nothing wrong in rooting for couples to happen. Hell all throughout The Legend of Korra I was lowkey hoping Korra and Asami would hook up. And look how that turned out.


It's the crazies that ruin it for everyone.


They bash characters. They attack creators if their ships don't happen (see the latest drama surrounding Steven Universe. ) They even go so far as to ship THE ACTORS PLAYING THE CHARACTERS. (I put off Supernatural for YEARS because of that.) And they sometimes support relationships that are not healthy at all. (See Harley Quinn and the Joker. Oy.)


I've often said shippers are the worst, and that is because they represent the worst thing in fandom: entitlement. Some fans think the story should bend a certain way and get upset when it doesn't. News flash: the stories aren't being written exclusively for you. The creator has a story in mind, and to think you have any influence on it is quite frankly, insulting. Do you have to like where the story is going? No. But respect that it was the creator's decision (no matter how stupid it can get sometimes) and move on. And don't harass them over character relationships. Believe it or not, there is more to some stories that seeing who ends up with who.

Face It, Tiger...

Unless you live under a rock, you've probably hear the news that Zendaya is possibly playing Mary Jane Watson.

The Internet, being the Internet, either responded with glee or rage. Most of the rage came from fanboys who claimed "She isn't a redhead!"

Well...look at the picture I just posted. Hair dye and wigs exist, there]s no reason she couldn't dye it for the role.

Secondly...hair color is only half the part. MJ is fun, vivacious, the life of the party. If Zendaya can pull that off, she's got my vote. Marvel is usually spot on with their casting-I think they've got this.

Third, it makes sense for her to be in the movie. Peter Parker is known for having three major love interests in his life; MJ, Gwen Stacy, and Felicia Hardy-aka the Black Cat.

The last Spider-Man films had Gwen as the love interest, so Marvel obviously wouldn't want to tread old ground. And I doubt Felicia will meet Peter until he's in college. (Kevin Feige has said they wanted to treat Spider-Man like Harry Potter, and actually have him age, which is refreshing.) That obviously leaves MJ.

But the funny part? This is not the first time Miss Watson has ignited fanboy frenzy.

Back when the Amazing Spider-Man 2 was being filmed (and before we knew what a convoluted, cobbled together mess it would be) Shailene Woodley was cast as MJ. Fanboys exploded, this time over her looks. In their mind she wasn't "pretty enough" to play MJ.

Well they're idiots.

Yes MJ is a model and actress in the comics. Yes she's meant to be a knockout...in the comics. But she's more than that. Like I said, shes outgoing and extroverted. And she is kind, loving, and doesn't take any shit. When Spider-Man fought the Sinister Twelve, MJ UNLOADED A FULL CLIP ON THE GREEN GOBLIN.

I am dead serious.

Mary Jane Watson is more than her hair. More than Peter Parker's next door neighbor/girlfriend/wife. More than a fanboy jerk off fantasy. She is a character, with personality and flaws. And if you can't see that, you have a problem.

The I Word

What the hell is wrong with you Japan?


Seriously. I want to know. As a fan of anime, I have seen some amazing series...and some not so amazing series. But the one thing that'll get me to stop watching anime or reading manga faster than you can say "Freudian slip!" is introducing incestuous overtones.


And boy howdy have I had to drop a lot of anime because of that.


A few examples...

Vampire Knight, second season. We find out Yuki and Kaname are brother and sister...and they hook up. DROPPED.

Sword Art Online, season two. Kirito's cousin Suguha starts putting the moves on him. DROPPED.


I haven't finished Elfen Lied but I read up on it and-surprise surprise-incestuous overtones. DROPPED.


But the biggest offender of all is The Irregular At Magic High.

This is without a doubt the WORST anime I have ever watched. I could go into a whole other post about why I hate it but that's another blog post. One of the major reasons I hate it is because Miyuki, the sister of the main character Tatsuya, has feelings for him. Not brother-sister feelings more like "she wants to ride it like Nascar" feelings. And she acts like a psycho bitch to anyone she thinks is a threat (yeah it's one of those animes where every woman wants to jump the hero's bones.)


Now granted they don't do anything, thank god. BUT...the fact that this is a major element of the series is just gross. I mean why? Don't fuck your sister. Just...just don't do it.


Bottom line; for all the animators and mangaka out there... cut down on the incest. Seriously.


Also see a shrink; I'm sensing most of this comes from unresolved issues.

A Star Wars Story We Need

I love Star Wars.


Next to superheroes and anime, it is the prevailing force in my geek life. (Pun only slightly intended.) THE FORCE AWAKENS reignited that love, and I await with bated breath for ROGUE ONE this December.


But I have to ask...are these anthology films on the right track?


The concept of ROGUE ONE is great; showcase how the Death Star plans made their way to Princess Leia. Not only that but it showcases a new element of the Rebellion-you get to go up close and personal with these soldiers. They're not Jedi, they're not smugglers. Just men and women trying to do the right thing and nearly getting killed for it.


However...after that is a Han Solo movie.


"But CJ! Han Solo is cool!"


Here's the thing; I never really got into the Han Solo hype. Yes he's cool. Yes he's the "bad boy". But those types of characters rarely appeal to me. I liked Luke more (and if we're being honest, I like Chewbacca more too.) Besides, there's only three things that can come out of this movie;


1) We show how Han meets Chewie.
2) We see Han meeting Lando.
3) We see how Han got the Falcon.


That's it.


And after that there's a rumored Boba Fett movie which makes me gag. Next to Batman, Fett is the most overrated character in fictional history.


So who should they make a movie of?


Ben Kenobi.


Think about it-eighteen years pass between REVENGE OF THE SITH and A NEW HOPE. I refuse to believe Obi-Wan was just sitting on Tattooine twiddling his thumbs. He must have had one last adventure before finally hanging up his lightsaber and taking up the mantle of Ben Kenobi. (The recent Marvel comics even show his scuffles with Tusken Raiders and bounty hunters.)


"But CJ! Who could he fight?"


This guy.

If you only remember Darth Maul from his ignominious defeat in THE PHANTOM MENACE, I strongly urge you to watch Star Wars: The Clone Wars and Star Wars rebels, as well as read the Son of Dathomir graphic novel. Maul is fleshed out as a character, and even better is transformed into a genuine threat. Then there's the matter of the axe he has to grind with Obi-Wan.

So you have the set up for a movie; Maul hellbent on revenge, kidnaps Luke and Obi-Wan risks everything to save him.

I'm just saying, Lucasfilm.

Mad Love

I saw Suicide Squad last week, and honestly I kind of liked it. It was a mess, but a fun mess. (And it needed 200% more Katana.) However...there's something I wanted to discuss.

SPOILERS FOR SUICIDE SQUAD BELOW

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A key element of the film concerns Harley Quinn (Margot Robbie) trying to reunite with the Joker (Jared Leto). There are a number of things wrong with this-Leto's performance, for one-but the way the movie portrays Harley and Joker's relationship. They're equally in love with each other, and Joker even shoots a man for rejecting her.

This...is a problem.

Those who know their DC lore know that this relationship is A: one sided on Harley's part, and B-and this is the important one-IT'S ABUSIVE AS ALL HELL.

The Joker does not love Harley. He doesn't love anything (perks of being a psychopathic mass murdering clown). Harley is in the grips of Stockholm Syndrome-she fell in love with the Joker while she was his therapist, and is utterly devoted to him. No matter how badly he treats her, she comes back. It's horrifying. It's MEANT to be horrifying. And what's worse, this relatuionship has been romanticized over the years. Which is disgusting.

Now the blame can fall on the editing. Rumor has it that several scenes focusing on the Joker were cut, and most of them established this abuse. If this is true then WB should be ashamed for trying to push this gross as hell relationship. In the foreword for Mad Love, Paul Dini-Harley's co creator-writes:

I don't think of MAD LOVE as a victim's tale, but a cautionary one about what happens when one loves recklessly, obsessively, and for far too long.

Harley's relationship with the Joker is nothing to desire. DC and David Ayer tried to sell you this:

When the reality is this:

And that ain't right.

P.S. Poison Ivy is right there you know. Whole movie you're sitting on DC.

End The Feud

As many of you know, Suicide Squad hits theaters this week. I am nervous-not only because I want to see the movie and like it, but because of the reviews. The last time a DC movie hit theaters-Batman V Superman-it was critically panned. A certain subsection of fans were outraged, accusing critics of being paid off by Disney (which is bullshit) and that they and audiences had a Marvel bias. This only flared up with Captain America: Civil War hit theaters to critical acclaim and a successful box office. And now with Squad on the horizon, the same thing is poised to happen.

And I'm telling fans on both sides: knock it the fuck off.

If you like Marvel over DC, fine. If you like DC over Marvel fine. But both have their strengths and weaknesses. Do not attack, belittle, mock, or insult someone for their preferences. Understand that we all have different tastes. And go see the movie AND FORM YOUR OWN OPINION.

That is all critics do; they form their own opinion. You can listen to them. but ultimately what matters is what you think of the movie. You like it? Cool. You don't like it? Cool. But respect others' opinions, even if you don't agree with it.

In short, less of this:

And more of this:

(Side note: this applies to all fandoms, but Marvel/DC is obviously the most prominent.)